We are in a time of healing from conflict as well as a hopeful time of renewal in our staff and in our music ministry, and these dynamics ripple out into the wider community. Our whole congregation is touched by these important groups and by relationships with the people in them. A congregation is a relational system, so when one part is struggling or succeeding, we all feel the impact.
One of the important steps we have taken towards healing is finding the clarity and courage to name that there have been ongoing conflicts in these two areas that go back quite a number of years. As someone here for two years, I have appreciated people who have been willing to share this history with me. When conflicts are avoided or go unaddressed, then the patterns that arise from conflict will most likely continue even as new people enter the system and others leave the system. Avoiding conflict is an obstacle to spiritual and emotional growth, and ironically leads to blow ups that make people want to avoid conflict again.
The good news is that we are building a new way. We are engaging with conflict and learning how to transform it in ways that lead to learning, compassion, creativity, and resilience. This is and will continue to be a process. One thing I can testify is that the journey includes naming some challenging truths to one another, and there is also joy and greater ease on the road as people are able to bring their fuller selves to the table.
Many of you have shared with me verbally and in email how much you appreciated my sermon last Sunday as a message that directly addressed some of the conflict and also provided examples of how we can move forward, including personal ones. I do hope that if you weren’t able to be there, you will take the time to listen to it.
Here is a link directly to the sermon portion of the August 18th service: https://www.youtube.com/live/V2O1F_raW8I?si=jNhCORGLvxrR50XO&t=2845
And here is a link to our congregation’s covenant, which provided the grounding reading for this message: https://www.firstunitarianportland.org/about-us/our-beliefs/our-covenant/
In Sunday’s message I leaned on one of my favorite Buddhist teachers, Thich Nhat Hanh, and his lessons about Right Speech and Loving Speech as a pathway back to restoring communication and right relations. As you go through this week, I invite you to keep in mind Thich Nhat Hanh’s wisdom drawn from the 4 Bodhisattva guidelines pertaining to right speech from his book, The Art of Communication:
- Tell the Truth. Don’t lie or turn the truth upside down.
- Don’t exaggerate.
- Be consistent. This means no double talk: speaking about something in one way to a person and an opposite way to another for selfish or manipulative reasons.
- Use peaceful language. Don’t use insulting or violent words, cruel speech, verbal abuse, or condemnation.
These guidelines help us to express our experience and perspectives in ways that promote greater understanding, compassion, and insights. They can support our ability to communicate well with one another in our families, among our friends, in our school or workplaces, in our church, and in the world.
These guidelines are also helpful for those of you who are wishing for a place to listen and to share around the recent music ministry transition. Our lay ministers are offering three upcoming Listening Circle times:
- This coming Sunday, August 25th, at 11:45 am in Eliot Chapel
- Wednesday, August 28th, at 7:00 pm on Zoom
- Sunday, September 8th, at 11:45 am in Eliot Chapel
May we all grow in our capacity for right and loving speech, and in turn may our community flourish.
In faith,
Rev. Alison
—
If you’d like to make a pastoral appointment on my calendar, you can go to: www.calendly.com/alisonmiller